TOOLS OF YOUR OWN UNMAKING

 For GLOGTOBER GLOGVEMBER Challenge 3, by Semiurge, a real sick fucking freak. His prompt: a list of or generator for cursed items that are more interesting than a -1 sword. I know you guys love lists, so here one is:

1. An amulet made from a pyrite cube with a hole drilled through the middle. The shady guy selling it in the alley claimed that it would "draw the magic right out of ye", and it does. While wearing it, gain +1 MD; each time you roll a six while casting a spell, take six damage as your brain microwaves itself to make more magic. If this kills you, your head catches fire from the inside, leaving it a burnt, hollowed-out wreck.

If you poke some holes in your skull to help vent the heat from your brain, reduce the damage to three. Try not to get any infections and-slash-or brain damage in the process.

2. A mask of yellowed porcelain, with twine threaded through holes in the sides for fastening to a head. The features are vague, like a composite of everyone who has ever lived; a perfectly average face. When worn, the mask grants complete immunity to harmful magic- by shunting the effect off to somebody else, with no Save. The first time, it happens to a total stranger; the second time, someone you've heard of; the third time, someone you've spoken to; the fourth time, someone you personally know; and the fifth time, and every time after, it happens to someone you care about. If you have nobody you care about, the effect hits you.

3. A ring of plain silver, polished to a mirror's edge, never tarnished or stained. The inside is inscribed with fine cursive- for my tireless friend, it says. When you put the ring on, you have a brief vision of looking over your own shoulder, followed by a sudden awareness that there is another you now standing behind you. The Other Self has all of your stats and abilities, but:

• It is invisible, though not intangible. If revealed by magic, the Other Self looks like a statue of you carved out of yellowed fat, with a joint too many on each of its fingers and a mouth haphazardly filled with discarded teeth. The only sounds it ever makes are low chuckles and meaty footsteps.
• It has no equipment, and can carry none but what it can hold in its hands.
• It can cast any spell you know, but uses your MD. Any Mishaps or Dooms it would suffer affect you, instead.

The Other Self obeys your mental commands, and you can see through its eyes at will. The issue is that you can only tell it the vague goal you want it to pursue, not how you want it done. The Other Self will take any opportunity it can to torment innocent victims, deface works of art, and generally be a horrible sociopath. Taking the ring off doesn't free you from the Other Self, either; you only lose your ability to give it commands, and it will take the opportunity to try and murder you or your loved ones out of spite. Having someone else wear the ring only grants them their own Other Self; yours remains alive to be a monstrous nuisance.

4. G_DS FORGIVE ME, a -3 medium scalpel of adamant steel which constantly wails its own name, saying nothing else. G_DS FORGIVE ME actively tries to avoid causing harm, yet its blade ignores all but magical armor, and the wounds it inflicts never heal, but never kill; its damage directly reduces the target's maximum hit points, but never below 1. The blade drips with faintly luminous ichor, which coagulates into charcoal-like scabs on contact with skin.

5. FRESH DRAWN MERIDIAN, a +2 medium katzbalger of bronte steel which is actually massive due to it being stuck in a weighty hunk of nigh-indestructible granite. There was a whole situation with a prophecy, and a king, and... Forget it. Things didn't work out. Cheating bastards. FRESH DRAWN MERIDIAN refuses to strike anybody or anything it recognizes as a legitimate authority figure, although its idea of legitimacy tends to be arbitrary- this sword is a universal racist, although it will not harm anything called a king on principle, or anything known to work for one.

6. A wall-mounted taxidermy bass trophy with a full set of shiny white human teeth in its mouth. With a horrible crunch, it turns to face you.

This is William Bass. He may not be the Devil, but he is a Devil, and he is horrible and loves to make bargains. He is effectively a portable merchant; you can purchase just about any common goods you would find for sale in a city from him, from weapons to drugs to rope and other fun things for dungeons. You just have to pay him with something someone really cares about. Wedding rings are good, as are other keepsakes. He really likes it if you kill someone and pay him with that, though you'll have to cut the body up into little pieces for it to fit in his mouth; he never does run out of room in there. The general rule is that if the loss of something will cause someone anguish, William Bass will take it as payment.

Without fail, with no strings attached, you'll get what you pay for, no matter how far you are from civilization or any other factor that would keep you from getting your goods. You just turn the corner or close your eyes and it's there, wrapped in parchment paper and reeking of sulfur. He likes to treat his customers right.

If you destroy his fish body, William Bass only laughs before melting down into a pool of foul-smelling tar. He's free, suckers. No hard feelings.