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DOJO WARS - A FISTFUL OF NAPKINS

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1995. In the Battlefield Mall, a war is brewing. Two karate dojos, alike in indignity, battle to see who is truly  worthy to call themselves the inheritors of Juan Matus Castaña , himself an inheritor to the mysterious and possibly fictional Chung Fu , Master of the Ten Thousand Year Egg Posture. Any similarity to actual malls, living or dead, is not coincidental.  Our heroes are the OPEN CHAKRA FIGHTING SOCIETY , consisting of: Me as  Hannibal Rex , who runs the dojo. A fifty-something ex-con with a buzz cut, a rhinestone jacket (OPEN CHAKRA) emblazened on the shoulders, and a big scar on his neck from where a guy tried to shank him.  He knows karate, voodoo too . Magnificentophat  as Nathan Churchland , a muscular young lad with a fondness for karate and low-rent Japanese women's professional wrestling promotions. Learned the art of Culteurgy from a wrestling videotape, going above and beyond nature in the pursuit of strength. Unfailingly kind. Mellonbread ...

Job 17:2 (GLOG class: Legally Distinct Eye Ray Entity)

This isn't for the Beholder bandwagon. I don't know what that is, or what a Beholder is. I've never heard of Hasbro™ or Wizards of the Coast™ or Dungeons and Dragons™ or of the concept of Product™ Identity™. I made up this thing in my shed and typed this post on a computer at my local library. You're a whole other thing. Roll 1d6 or make up something that won't get you sued™: Myriops. Bahunetren Raja. Eyewitness. Seer. Optometrist.  Globus Oculiger. You're not from around here. You came from under the earth, past the stars, the dreams of a madman. The fear of looking and being looked back at. Magic cut down to its purest essence: the eye. ꙮ MYRIOPS ꙮ Starting skills: 1. Blackmail . 2. Conspiracy Theories . 3. Particle Physics . Starting items: You need nothing. All that you see is already yours. A Beauty , Eye Rays , +1 ꙮD B +2 Eye Rays , +2 SKLL C +2 Eye Rays , +1 ꙮD D Ajna , +2 Eye Rays Beauty You are a sphere of alien flesh with one large eye, one large mouth...

Straight Flush Volume 1 (1-2 HD)

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 Monsters. It was monsters that got me into this whole thing. The first RPG product I ever bought was the fifth edition monster manual, which I spent countless hours just staring  at, not really understanding or caring about the mechanics. Well, here's my monster manual: the Straight Flush , monsters listed from 1 to 10 HD, starting with 1-2. These are the low-level threats of the world on which Morning Stars  shine, persistent nuisances to be discovered and rooted out wherever they be found.  Ideally, they will remain dangerous, or at least interesting to kill, well into your later levels. Context and environment is half the battle. Dire Fowl HD 1 (5 HP ), AC as leather , 8 morale   A hip-high junglefowl with a rooster's nasty temperament and a cassowary's ability to gut you like a fish. The hens weave wagon-sized nests and the roosters guard them, but both have spurs like daggers and will not hesitate to put them to use. Delicious when breaded and fried...

Job 41:33 (GLOG race-as-class: Cocodril)

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What even needs to be said? You are a pebbled worm, never to be smiled at. Any who know you fear you, and rightly so. You are a god of the river, an oasis king. The mighty cocodril has always been able to speak, but has never needed to, especially not to those chattering soft-skinned things that imagined themselves so important. As time has passed, so too has your might. What was once an unstoppable terror of the water may now be slain with a common firearm. Your brethren hold harpoons in their skin, or grace the ceilings of collections. Perhaps it is time to deign. Adapt to the world, man-eater, lest you become man-eaten. 𓆊 COCODRIL 𓆊 Or allagarta, gharial, or other similar beast. Starting skills: 1. Moral Philosophy . 2. Riddles . 3. Talking to Birds . Starting items: hell no Gain +2 MOVE  per template. A Curse on Four Legs , Death Roll B River Thresher , +1 to hit C  +2 HP , +1 to hit D  Leviathan , +1 to hit At template A, you are eight feet long and weigh 250 poun...

MORNING STARS (The Setting and the People in it)

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 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding. Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it? Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof; When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? The world as it is known, circa 1660. In purple, green, and blue are the regions of the Empire of the Sun and Moon. To the north, in red, are the lands occupied by the many city-states of the djinn, which sit in the shadow of the Great Wall of the Djinn which circles the world's equator. That's the giant black line at the top. Finally, highlighted in yellow is the Protectorate of Yonah, which once boldly repelled the Empire's questing ships. North of the wall lies mystery, and beyond the sea lies loss. The world is vast, wondrous, and fearful. In the beginning, there was nothing, and where there was nothing, there were fairies...

Reaping What You Didn't Sow (GLOG class: Fighter)

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 For my setting Morning Stars , formerly Cold Silver Heavens . Merry Christmas. This is, if I am to be very honest, a poor man's  Sword-Shepherd - but it's mine. Some people say that there is an art to war. Those people are wrong. War is a trade, and you are its apprentice, journeyman, and one day, master . WARRIOR Starting skills: 1. Folklore . 2. Battlefield Surgery . 3. Mountaineering . Starting items: Medium armor, an unimpressive but trusty steed, and your choice of: a medium melee weapon, a pistol ( 1d10 damage, one handed, range 20' , takes a minute to reload), and 10 bullets with paper cartridges; a light melee weapon, a rifle ( 2d6 damage, two handed, range 40' , takes a minute to reload), and 10 bullets with paper cartridges; or a medium melee weapon and a shield. Gain +1 to hit per template. A Cold Blood , Tradition B Hot Steel , +1 damage C Man-Eating Lion D Lion-Eating Man , +1 damage As a Warrior , you cannot fumble with any weapon, unless it...

Hearts Now Cased in Steel (GLOG class: Monk)

Another installment in my  Unfinished World  bootleg series. Manufacturing, the First Art. The magic of making something out of nothing. The working of Hot Metal. The  Manufactories and their Academy are the highest authority in the world regarding it, as far as anybody is concerned. It's embarrassing how wrong they are. Creation is a parlor trick for impressing lords. Its power is temporary, a mere toy. Even the airships and the artillery and the standardized currency. No, true power lies in becoming. The flesh is weak, and steel is strong. Even the Manufactories understand this, though their  best attempts are nothing but an unrefined mockery of what you'll become.